Save Your Marriage

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CAIRO - An 8-year-old Saudi girl has divorced her middle-aged husband after her father forced her to marry him last year in exchange for about $13,000, her lawyer said Thursday.

Saudi Arabia has come under increasing criticism at home and abroad for permitting child marriages. The United States, a close ally of the conservative Muslim kingdom, has called child marriage a "clear and unacceptable" violation of human rights.

The girl was allowed to divorce the 50-year-old man who she married in August after an out-of-court settlement had been reached in the case, said her lawyer, Abdulla al-Jeteli. The exact date of the divorce was not immediately known.

A court in the central Oneiza region previously rejected a request by the girl's mother for a divorce and ruled that the girl would have to wait until she reached puberty to file a petition then.

There are no laws in Saudi Arabia defining the minimum age for marriage. Though a woman's consent is legally required, some marriage officials don't seek it.

But there has been a push by Saudi human rights groups to define the age of marriage and put an end to the phenomenon.

One Saudi human rights activist Sohaila Zain al-Abdeen was optimistic that the girl's divorce would help efforts to get a law passed enforcing a minimum marriage age of 18.

"Unfortunately, some fathers trade their daughters," she told The Associated Press. "They are weak people who are sometimes in need of money and forget their roles as parents."

It was not clear if the man received money for the divorce settlement. The man had given the girl's father 50,000 riyals, or about $13,350, as a marriage gift in return for his daughter, the lawyer said.

The 8-year-old girl's marriage was not the only one in the kingdom to receive attention in recent months. Saudi newspapers have highlighted several cases in which young girls were married off to much older men or young boys including a 15-year-old girl whose father, a death-row inmate, married her off to a cell mate.

Saudi Arabia's conservative Muslim clergy have opposed the drive to end child marriages. In January, the kingdom's most senior cleric said it was permissible for 10-year-old girls to marry and those who believe they are too young are doing the girls an injustice.

But some in the government appear to support the movement to set a minimum age for marriage. The kingdom's new justice minister was quoted in mid-April as saying the government was doing a study on underage marriage that would include regulations.

There are no statistics to show how many marriages involving children are performed in Saudi Arabia every year.

Activists say the girls are given away in return for hefty marriage gifts or as a result of long-standing custom in which a father promises his infant daughters and sons to cousins out of a belief that marriage will protect them from illicit relationships.

By HADEEL AL-SHALCHI, Associated Press Writer

Labels: divorce, dowry, minimum age for marriage, Saudi Arabia, save your marriage

Men aren't supposed to like romance, right? Well, that's the theory, anyway.

In practice, men may not always like to call it romance, but we feel the same yearning to connect that you do, to give and receive physical expressions of love and to continue the rituals of courtship. In short, we want to romance you... and we secretly want you to romance us.

The flowery stuff, the roses, and candlelight, just isn't a guy thing. So skip the sweet little trappings and go for what's guaranteed to work.

#1. Dress Up for Him

"Consider dressing for his tastes and not just yours once in a while," says Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of "Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know." "Take him shopping and have him choose outfits he would like to see you in."Remember, you're doing this for him, not for you.

And, as psychologist Ronald Goldstein, Ph.D., a marriage counselor in Newtown, Pennsylvania, explains: "Women should keep in mind that men are visually oriented." Trust me, men find it very romantic when you step wholeheartedly into our debauched little fantasy worlds. If we're hard-wired to be turned on by visual cues, why not indulge us -- and use it to your advantage?

#2. Initiate Physical Affection

Whether you're playing footsie under the table or placing a hand on our shoulders while scooting behind our chairs, men find the touch of the woman they love unbelievably reassuring. In our treasured nonverbal language, it translates as: "I accept you... I love you... We're a team."

#3. Give Him a Night Out with the Boys -- No Strings Attached

It may seem odd to you that a romantic gesture might not involve you at all. But dogs run with dogs, wolves run with wolves, and every so often, guys just have to break away and run with the guys (drooling and howling optional).

#4. Tell Him What a Big, Strong Guy He Is

We men are famously incompetent at expressing ourselves verbally... but that doesn't mean we don't appreciate hearing a little praise now and then. In particular, we draw a lot of our identity from our maleness. Nurturing our big-ape fantasies -- me Tarzan, you Jane -- lets us know you value us as males, which is somehow important to the continued production of testosterone.

A quick insight into men: We all want to be heroes. Remembering to compliment your mate on being a great partner isn't always easy in the middle of a busy day, but it's a quick shortcut to making him feel wanted, needed, and loved, which is of course the ultimate point of any romantic gesture. And this positive reinforcement of your mate's good behavior will yield big dividends later, as he subconsciously tries to live up to your glowing appraisal.

#5. Score Him a Pair of Tickets to the Big Game

Which would you rather receive from your mate: a weekend at a spa or a new set of cookware? The spa is by far the more romantic gift, if only because he doesn't stand to gain anything from it. Gifts that don't benefit the giver are somehow purer because they demonstrate you care only about making your partner happy. So when you're thinking about gifts, try not to think about what you'd like to get him, but what he'd like to receive.

#6. Show Interest in His Outside Life

We live in a fast-paced world, and we all know it's easy enough to get wrapped up in our own routines. But finding ways to let a man know you care about all aspects of his life, not just the parts he shares with you, is a great way to show you love the whole man.

Shoot him a few well-directed questions about work to help him unwind, surprise him with a book relating to a hobby, track down a website that deals with some problem he's having -- all are touching gestures I guarantee will be well received.

#7. Tell Him a Secret

Men want to be soul mates, too. Telling him a secret -- symbolically letting him deeper inside you -- demonstrates total trust in him and faith in your relationship. Because you're making yourself vulnerable, it's an incredible bonding experience. What works just as well: Encourage him to tell you a secret or two. And don't laugh.

By Redbookmag.com

Labels: Barbara De Angelis, men, romance, Ronald Goldstein, save your marriage

Something strange happened this week in Amazon.com's apparel section.

For a day or two, a black T-shirt featuring an image of three wolves baying at a full moon claimed the top slot at the online store's clothing bestseller list,, beating out the usual, unremarkable mix of Levi's 505 regular-fit jeans, Crocs clogs and Adidas running shoes.

Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt, Available in Various Sizes

And really, why wouldn't you buy the shirt, which is priced from $7.65 to $17.93, depending on your size? Just read the long and growing list of customer testimonials promising earth-shattering experiences or psychedelic vision quests upon purchase.

"I bought this shirt and instantly old girlfriends started calling me again," wrote one reviewer."My doctor says the cancer has gone into remission," wrote another. "

Thanks for changing my life!"The shirt's page at Amazon.com had quietly existed for years without much comment, but after a snarky link from CollegeHumor.com, the "Three Wolf Moon" shirt suddenly sprouted hundreds of five-star ratings.

Reviewers have dreamed up epics about its powers, weaving fantasies involving everything from the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland to the pop group Duran Duran.

As the joke caught on and got passed around the Web, Photoshopped spoofs of the shirt started appearing online -- featuring corgi puppies, spiders or haddock instead of the now-famous wolves.

CollegeHumor.com, a comedy site started in 1999 by a couple of high school friends who grew up together in Timonium, Md., also claimed victory this week for rigging an online poll run by the state of Nebraska to select a new license-plate design.

The site urged its readers to vote for what it deemed the most boring design available to Nebraska drivers. That gray-and-white plate won.Officials in Nebraska said they monitored Web traffic to screen out visitors coming directly from the humor site, but CollegeHumor.com was still, credibly, claiming the joke a success this week.

"Together we pranked the entire automobile-owning population of Nebraska," wrote a CollegeHumor.com editor, in a Wednesday posting. "Congratulations."

This type of online rabble-rousing appears to be catching on more than ever over the past year, said Tim Hwang, the organizer of ROFLCon, a convention dedicated to celebrating Internet memes.

After all, another Web-based prank crossed over into the real world just last month when a 21-year-old college student, known by the online moniker "m00t," sailed to the top of Time's "most influential person" list in an online poll, beating out the likes of President Obama and Oprah Winfrey.

Gathering nearly 17 million votes, the world's "most influential" person is the founder of another jokey Web culture site, 4chan.org, whose proprietor is known offline by the name Christopher Poole. If you don't get why the shirt, and its reviews, are so funny, don't worry.

CollegeHumor.com co-founder Josh Abramson said it's a case where the shirt is so uncool that it's cool."A lot of things that become popular on the Web are based around just being ironic and being an inside joke," Abramson said.

"This resonates with a geeky, hip crowd that is very Web-savvy. When something resonates with that circle, crazy things can happen."Abramson said his team had considered licensing the wolf shirt for sale.

CollegeHumor.com, which had 7 million unique Web visitors last month, also has an online store that sells T-shirts with ironic catchphrases and designs, called BustedTees.com. But it appears that the site may have been a bit slow to catch on to its own meme.

"We're kicking ourselves that we didn't," he said.The New Hampshire company that makes the "Three Wolf Moon" shirt said that it doesn't generally mind being the butt of this joke."You have to be able to laugh at yourself," said Michael McGloin, a partner and art director at the Mountain, who added that he finds some of the reviews to be "freaking hilarious."

The company certainly doesn't mind the shirt's recent uptick in sales: "Three Wolf Moon" is sold out, and the Mountain has started printing up a fresh batch.

It seems that the wolf theme was growing in popularity even before the Internet hipsters descended, McGloin said."Wolf shirts are super hot right now," he said. "It's the year of the wolf, I guess."

Click now to Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt, Available in Various Sizes

By Mike Musgrove, Washington Post Staff Writer

Labels: ironic tshirt, save your marriage, the mountain, three wolf moon, tshirt, wolf moon, wolf shirt, wolf t-shirt

Marriage counseling is a form of therapy applied for conflict resolution which is generally carried out by the trained psychotherapist. Save marriage counseling is helpful to resolve the conflicts, improve the relationship and reconstruct your marriage.

The counselor may not solve the problems in your marriage, but will help you to solve them yourself. It helps to make your marriage bond strong and keep your relationships alive. It plays a significant role in preventing the divorce and to maintain healthy relationships.

The science of marriage counseling is studied in detail and shows long-lasting positive effects. A good marriage counselor helps the couples to avoid several emotional landmines and control the damage. A successful counselor has a balanced and mature state of mind and disposition.

If you are looking for a good marriage counselor, then you should have some information about the counselor such as whether the first assessment session is free, whether you have to pay after every session, whether the session is suitable for your work schedule as well as information about the duration of each session, qualification of the counselor.

It is considered as every marriage goes through times of contention and times of stress. Any of these reasons may need to seek marriage counseling. Some other reasons that require save marriage counseling are problems with substance or alcohol abuse, difficulty with children, financial problems, a situation when both the partners are unfaithful, major life changes and problems with fertility.

The marital relationships may be affected by broken trust, boredom, infidelity, poor communication, lack of appreciation, addictive behavior, emotional abuse, absence of sex and no affection. When the marriage is in trouble, the couples first try to solve the problem among them or seek advice from the friends or family. If it does not work, then they go for save marriage counseling.

Both the partners should be willing to attend the counseling which offers a tool to improve their relationships. The couples should openly discuss about their marriage problems to get an appropriate solution. They can resolve the conflicts with kindness and sympathy. Save marriage counseling can help the couples to improve their communication skills.

One of the most significant activities including in the marriage counseling is open, honest and blunt communication. In the office of marriage counselor, the couples can reveal their feelings.

Save marriage counseling may help to uncover some other problems or issues and understand the troubles of couple. The wife may be depressed or husband may have the problems with anxiety. Since counseling does not attempt to resolve the issues like depression or anxiety, it can uncover these issues and helps to seek the treatment for them.

It can also help to identify the differences between the couples and manage with them. It offers a good opportunity to the couples to share their feelings and helps to clear all misunderstandings.

The effects of save marriage counseling are found to be wonderful. After seeking this counseling, many couples have been successful in resolving conflicts in their married life and have got back to a happy married life.

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Today, most people agree an importance of marriage and intend to save their marital relationships. Many people are finding their marriage to be in trouble in the second most populous city of Colorado Springs in Colorado. The problems in married life may be due to absence of love, no sex, abusive partner, infertility, unfaithful partner, lack of communication and financial problems. Sometimes, these problems may be beyond the tolerance and the couples may wish to get a divorce.

It takes years to build a relationship but a simple mistake to break it at a fraction of a moment; you need not worry if you are looking to save a marriage, Colorado Springs has many counseling houses meant for resolving the problems in married life and maintaining the progressive interpersonal relationships

Whenever the conflicts in married life cross the tolerance limits, the couples try to resolve the problems before taking any harsh decision, as a separation is stressful for both the partners and their children. They first try to manage this problem by talking with each other or with their family or friends. If the problem still persists, the couples may go for the marriage counseling. If you are not from this city and wish to save a marriage, Colorado Springs city's counseling houses offer even online facilities.

The couples and families in Colorado Springs often look for a licensed counselor to seek the counseling. The counseling bureaus in this city are well-known for their skilled and experienced staff. In order to save a marriage, Colorado Springs has numerous therapists, counselors and psychiatrists who offer confidential treatments, advice, support, stabilization services, case management, evaluation and responsive services.

They are with psychology background and are licensed by the state. While selecting the licensed counselor, you should keep in mind the background, psychology education, affiliations and experience of the counselor. The licensed counselors can be found in the community by searching in the local phone book or checking the online directory listings.

The counseling professionals can help the couples regarding the career, family services, marriage services, marriage help, health issues, mental health issues, related to divorce, depression, anger management and substance abuse.

Marriage counseling contributes a lot to prevent the divorce and maintain the healthy relationships by resolving the conflicts, improving the interpersonal relationships, overcoming the differences and reconstructing the marriage. Various counseling sessions are organized which may offer good opportunity to the couples to share their feelings and help to clear the misunderstanding.

The purpose of counseling involves resolving the problems in married life, sex therapy, couples therapy, relationship counseling and family therapy. It offers the opportunities for the personal growth, self-assessment as well as spiritual and emotional healing. Self-assessment helps to find out your own mistakes and solutions to correct them.

It also helps to find out the differences between the couples and ways to overcome them. Marriage counseling program offers professional help in areas such as assertiveness skills, controlling the anger, overcoming the differences and anxiety, improvement in the communication skills, conflict resolution skills and listening skills.

You would not have to go far if you want to take someone’s advice to save a marriage, Colorado Springs itself presents a variety of ways to get the proper guidance.

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By Al Butler

Labels: marriage breakup, relationship, save your marriage, win a man back

Marriage is an intimate relationship of two people which keeps them connected together. Starting and breaking up the marital relationship is quite easy, but it is difficult to keep the relationships alive and keep the marriage intact. When you feel that your marriage is in danger, you should take the efforts to save your marriage.

However, it is not a one-way traffic; both the partners should equally strive to maintain the healthy relationships. As separation or divorce can affect personal, economical and social stability, both the partners equally need to improve themselves and save the marriage. Today, you will find numerous men trying to save their marriage.

Regardless of age and gender, today everybody is realizing the importance of marriage and trying to save it if it is in trouble. Men trying to save their marriage can be successful in their mission by adopting good qualities and avoiding some things. True love for your partner is a strong base for a successful married life. Every woman expects that her husband should be caring and romantic.

She will be pleased if her husband expresses his passion for his wife by offering her surprise gifts, writing romantic poems, going to see the romantic movies with her or taking her for surprise lunch or dinner.

Men trying to save their marriage should always remember that good communication between husband and wife is very necessary to maintain the healthy relationships. For that, the husband should keep aside some time from his busy schedule to spend it with his wife. He should be able to listen to and understand the feelings and problems of his wife. If both feel that their marital relationships are getting boring, then the husband may take an initiative and plan for outing to spend the long-term vacations.

Trust and faith is a basic factor of married life and faithlessness can create the problems in married life. Hence, men trying to save their marriage should follow the commitment towards their partners and try not to give a chance for misunderstandings. Even if the husband has an extra-marital affair, he should apologize and promise to stop the affair.

Living with an abusing partner is a very stressful and embarrassing situation for every individual. Physical, emotional or economical abuse can affect the physiological and physical status of a person and the effects may be longer-lasting. Husband's abusive behavior can cause conflicts and bitterness due to which your marriage may be in trouble.

Hence, he should avoid the things that hurt his wife. The husband should completely trust his wife and never feel jealous about her personal and professional progress.

If the man finds it difficult to solve the problems in his married life at his level, then he may talk with his family or friends and get some solutions from them. He can seek the marriage counseling which may help to understand the problems and differences between the couple and help them to find out the solutions. He can also go for a trial separation.

Men trying to save their marriage can be successful to improve the marital relationships with patient efforts.

Browse Save Your Marriage

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According to spiritualism, the prayer is to discover and develop the divinity which can work a lot in every problem of life. It gives you emotional strength to fight with the problems. Can you believe that the prayers can help you to save your married life? Separation or divorce seems to be a simple term, but its effects on both the partners may be long-lasting. You may lose your economical, physical, emotional and social stability.

Divorce is also not good for the sake of the future of your children. Hence, when you feel that your marriage is in crisis and you find yourself helpless, you may start praying the god. You may ask the religious leaders about prayers to save my marriage.

The prayers may be useful to heal the relationships and save the troubled marriage. They can help to overcome the obstacles in your married life. When you come to know that your marriage is in trouble, you get mentally disturbed and terrified. Your life becomes stressful and you may feel helpless, lonely and frustrated. To cope up with this situation, you should be able to control your emotions and face the problem with great tolerance and patience. You will be able to overcome the stress and live peacefully with the help of prayers.

The prayers may help to improve your virtue of forgiveness and make your mind strong. If the problems in your married life are due to faithlessness of your partner, you will be able to forgive your partner. The prayers also help to improve your loving energy. If there is a lack of love in your married life, you will be able to create it with your ability to love. Once you are successful in developing love, other problems can be easily solved.

You may be doubtful about can I really get the benefit from the prayers to save my marriage. When you experience the problems in your marital relationships, it is the time to review your relationship with God. When your relationship with God is strong, it fills your heart with intense love and inner strength.

You may strengthen your relationship with God through prayer through small acts of kindness, serving less privileged members of your community and philanthropic acts. It prevents worsening of your problems and relationship with your partner. Keep aside some time for regularly offering the prayers along with your husband. You may combine the prayers with visualization and give thanks in advance.

Do you face the question of where to get the prayers to save my marriage? You may read the prayers from the religious and spiritual books that are available in numerous book-shops. You can get the information about the prayers from the religious leader. You may offer your prayers at the religious place or at your home. If your partner is not willing, you may find the prayer partner or do it alone.

Build up the emotional and spiritual strength within you and request the God by offering prayers to save my marriage.

Bowse Save Your Marriage

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Infidelity myths debunked by relationship researchers

"Once a cheater, always a cheater." "People cheat when they're unhappy at home." "If your mate cheats, you'll know." We've all heard these bits of conventional wisdom; they're comforting, in a strange way. But they're all wrong, say the experts who study infidelity. What's worse, believing these myths can do a lot of harm, because it gets in the way of your preventing, spotting, and recovering from infidelity. (Yes, recovering -- contrary to popular belief, an affair doesn't have to destroy a relationship.) We've unraveled the latest research so you can protect your relationship with the facts.

Myth #1: There's a "cheater" profile.

The reality: With the right trigger circumstances, anyone is susceptible to cheating. "There are as many different profiles as there are people who have affairs," says Douglas Snyder, Ph.D., a couples therapist and a professor of psychology at Texas A and M University. Yet the myth persists that there's a recognizable "type" of person who's unfaithful. That's why it took Linda Mitchell, 43, a personal trainer in Monroe, OH, by such surprise when she found out her first mate was having an affair. "He never did anything to lead me to think he would cheat," she says. "He'd bring me flowers, tell me how beautiful I was and what a great partner I was."

While some people are chronic philanderers, it's more common to unintentionally wind up in an affair. "People who have accidental affairs have no thoughts of being unfaithful," says Snyder. "It's not even consistent with their values system, but the opportunity presents itself." Maybe a coworker hits on you during a business trip when you're stressed, or your cute handyman compliments you when you're getting over a fight with your mate.

"Here's the best way to prevent affairs: Rather than saying, 'We will never have one,' instead think of the kind of person, situation and mood that would make you vulnerable," says Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., a marital therapist and author of "Getting It Right This Time: How to Create a Loving and Lasting Marriage." Maybe you're so nurturing that you'd be vulnerable helping a neighbor whose wife just died, while your fun-loving sister would be susceptible during a trip to Las Vegas. It may feel contrived or scary, but having this tough conversation with your partner can help you both recognize chancy situations and be on guard.

You can also stay in safe territory with friends of the opposite sex by not confiding personal things, like airing complaints about your mate, and not keeping anything about those friendships secret. "You know you've crossed a line if you don't want your mate to know about whatever you're talking about with this person," says Tina Pittman Wagers, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist and instructor at the University of Colorado at Boulder. "If it starts feeling like that, then you need to pull back and reestablish closeness with your mate."

Myth #2: It's men who cheat.

The reality: While baby-boomer men do cheat more, women in their 20s and 30s have affairs just as frequently as men their age, according to new research. One reason: More women are working. When you have a job, you've got more financial freedom, which could make you more comfortable taking a gamble with your relationship. You also have opportunity; around 46 percent of women and 62 percent of men who have affairs cheat with someone from work.

Myth #3: Long-term boredom leads to an affair.

The reality: Michael, 34, a lawyer in Tampa, says his wife started having an affair before the couple's two-year anniversary. "I never, ever thought that would happen," says Michael. Yet the so-called honeymoon period is actually a high-risk time for infidelity. "More people have affairs the first two years of marriage than any other time," says McCarthy. Women may experiment with a comparison affair: Would I be better off with this guy? Did I make a mistake in marrying my spouse? Men, on the other hand, are likely to cheat for reasons that have nothing to do with their relationship. Thanks to their upbringing or their circle of friends, they may believe that's just what guys do.

An early affair may be just a last fling that a couple can work through, but it's more likely a wake-up call to a person that his or her partner has a fundamentally different model of monogamy, says Wagers. Still, newlywed affairs don't have to spell doom. If both partners decide that they want to give their union another shot, it's important to figure out what factors contributed to the affair and whether there's any hope for changing them.

Myth #4: A man is driven to infidelity when he's not happy in his relationship.

The reality: It's true that the majority of women who've had an affair reported being physically and emotionally disengaged from their partners for at least a year before the affair. But more than half of men involved in affairs reported being happy or very happy in their marriages prior to cheating, according to a survey by the late Shirley Glass, Ph.D., noted infidelity researcher and author of NOT "Just Friends." Lots of other factors weigh into a guy's decision to start an affair, including chemistry, opportunity and poor impulse control. "I counseled a couple where the husband's younger coworker made a pass at him when they were at a conference and he accepted," says Wagers. "Even though he felt close to his wife and he felt like he had a good marriage, he was excited and flattered that this woman who was 15 years younger found him attractive."

Many cheaters do blame their actions on a less-than-perfect home life, but researchers say they're just rewriting history. "Often times these are retrospective reports that are now having to justify how it is that the partner violated vows," says Snyder. Granted, lots of cheaters are unhappy on some level in their marriages. But so are many men and women who don't have affairs. "Infidelity isn't the only road," says Wagers. "If you're not satisfied in your marriage, you might also be driven to talk to your partner." That's why therapists say it's so important to stay in touch with each other. For you, that might mean setting aside 20 minutes every night to talk about your day, your differences and your dreams. "It's the whole idea of staying close to your spouse," says Wagers. "The more disconnected you get from the relationship, the easier it is to slide down the slippery slope of infidelity."

Myth #5: Adulterers find lasting happiness with their affair partners.

The reality: No matter how blissful they feel, affair pairings rarely get to happily ever after. A whopping 75 percent of affair partners who marry end up divorced. For one thing, the qualities that attract you to an affair partner -- like impulsiveness or extravagance -- might be the polar opposite of what makes you happy long-term. And during affairs, lovers are under the spell of chemical changes in their bodies that make them feel euphoric -- feelings that are exaggerated even more by the secrets they're keeping. They're in a type of fantasy world, focusing only on each other and not getting bogged down in day-to-day stuff like bills and child rearing. "Somebody may seem like a soul mate when it's all fresh and shiny," says Wagers. "But you can't assume the new-car smell is going to last 15 years."

Myth #6: Betrayed partners know on some level when their partners are fooling around.

The reality: In many cases, the betrayed mate is totally in the dark. "A lot of cheating partners are really invested in keeping this secret and are very good at lying," says Wagers. So true, says Dayle DeCillo, 39, a mother of five in Mission Viejo, CA, who had zero suspicion that her husband of 11 years was unfaithful -- until she discovered him with another woman. "I was blindsided," she says. "He was a paramedic and firefighter, and was gone a lot, either 'working' or 'working out.' I was never concerned he wasn't where he said he was."

DeCillo simply made the same assumptions most people do: You assume you're trustworthy and your mate is, too. The possibility that he could stray isn't even on your mind, so you don't get suspicious if he says he has to work late or go on a golf trip with his buddies. Usually it's not until the affair is out in the open that the betrayed mate can go back and give new meaning to history.
It's also common after an affair is exposed for the betrayed mate to feel like he or she is facing a new truth: You never can be sure whether your partner will cheat. In reality, it's a truth that was there all along.

Five essential tips to prevent infidelity:

1. Be each other's number one confidant. You shouldn't be sharing private thoughts with others that you're not sharing with your mate.

2. Make time to connect on a regular basis. Daily moments of connection help you build a sense of togetherness and shared purpose.

3. Don't let family time squeeze out just-the-two-of-you time. Relationships that are too child-centered are at high risk for an affair.

4. Recognize when you're temporarily attracted to someone else. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with your relationship -- or that you have to act on it

5. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and your relationship. If you're ever tempted and don't feel like you can tell your mate, you'll have someone else to confide in who will steer you straight. And if one of you does stray, you'll have a strong support network to help you put your relationship back together.

By Dana Hudepohl for Redbook

Labels: 101, dating, relationship, save your marriage, tips

Six dating and relationship tips to rid yourself of jealousy

It's the feeling that wells up inside when a date speaks highly of an attractive coworker or when your soul mate seems a little too happy to see an ex at a party -- it's dating jealousy and it can take hold of you so fast and so hard that it leaves you and your relationship destroyed. Don't let jealousy take over your life: Follow these dating steps toward overcoming the green-eyed monster in you.

1. Leave the Players and the Flirts Behind

One of the best ways to overcome jealousy is to not get involved with flirts and players. There are singles out there who will thrive on making you jealous because they like the dating drama and attention. If you're jealous, they know that you are constantly obsessing over them and dwelling on them. By provoking your jealousy, they've just made themselves the center of your universe. Instead, be smart -- kick them out of your universe and find a better date.

2. Determine if You're Jealous in This Relationship or Every Relationship

In order to overcome jealousy, you've got to figure out whether you're being real or being paranoid. Normal jealousy can actually serve a purpose. It's there to alert you to a partner's possible infidelity -- a threat to the relationship. Is your relationship actually being threatened or is the jealousy in your head only? A good way to figure out if there's a basis to your jealousy is to reflect on your past relationships. Are you always jealous even if you haven't had a reason to be? Do you have trust issues in every relationship or just this one? Also, talk to some friends or family who can be objective about the situation and help you sort out your jealous feelings -- a counselor can also be helpful with this.

3. Get Confident in Dating

The source of a lot of the jealousy has nothing to do with what your date does; it lies within you. If you're upset because your date drools a little when he or she sees a fashion model or celebrity in a magazine, don't start comparing yourself to that image. Work on your dating confidence and focus on all you have to offer. Then, your envy of others will dramatically decrease.

4. Talk It Through

Learn to communicate your jealous feelings in a healthy way. For instance, let your mate know that you're jealous about the amount of time the attractive coworker gets to spend with him or her. Make sure as you're talking, you're not accusing. Accusing makes any person defensive, and you won't get anywhere.

5. Draw the Line

Particularly, if you are in a monogamous relationship with someone, you need to establish what behaviors are acceptable to you and what behaviors will bring out the green-eyed monster in you. Are you okay with your partner constantly texting a single man -- or single woman? Will that send you over the edge? How do you feel about your partner dancing with someone else at a club when you aren't around? Establishing reasonable boundaries and respecting them gets both of you on the same playing field. The keyword here is reasonable. Setting a boundary like "Don't talk to any single men -- or single women -- you work with" is an impossible and smothering line to draw.

6. Strengthen Your Relationship in Other Ways

If you're overly jealous when there isn't a whole lot of reason to be, it means that your relationship isn't as strong as it should be. You need to evaluate what's lacking. Are you not spending enough quality time together? Has the passion died down over the years? Once you identify what's really concerning you, then you can address it with your partner and work on strengthening the relationship rather than wasting time and energy on empty jealous feelings.

By Caroline Presno, Ed.D., P.C.C.

Labels: dating tips, jealousy, overcome, relationship, save your marriage

When is it time to say, "My relationship is in trouble, and we need help?" How do you know when that time is?

When couples wait too long to ask for help, the relationship may be beyond repair. The sooner help is sought, the better chance there is of recovering, saving and actually strengthening the relationship. This includes issues dealing with affairs or other types of betrayal.The longer we wait, the more entrenched we get in destructive patterns and resentment and all hope for change is lost. At a certain point we don't even want change... we just want to be done.

The seven warning signs that a relationship is in trouble are:

1. Fighting has become the rule rather than the exception to the rule.

2. You find yourself looking outside the relationship for comfort, care, and understanding.

3. You can't remember what attracted you to your partner in the first place.

4. There is little or no intimacy in your relationship -- sleeping in different rooms or different beds, lack of interest, anger, and hostility so that intimacy is out of the question.

5. Spending very little time together, friends seem to be more important than your partner.

6. Reactions to situations are disproportionate to the content of the disagreement (i.e., feeling your partner doesn't love you because she/he didn't like the meal you cooked).

7. Feeling helpless and hopeless to change anything. Feeling done with the relationship, but unclear as to where to go and what to do. Feelings of anger, resentment, pain, and desperation are predominant.

If any or all of these describe you in your relationship, your relationship is in trouble and it won't be long before something more drastic happens, such as an affair, arguments get worse and inflate with intensity, increased jealousy, silence for longer periods of time, and sometimes even physical and/or verbal abuse.

Before your relationship reaches that critical crisis point, look at the warning signs and do something before it's too late:

1.Seek psychotherapy
2.Read books
3.Talk to a spiritual/religious advisor

Without help, the relationship will never get better with time; once a certain level of resentment, anger, and hostility hits, it will simply get worse and worse. Avoiding a total crisis and saving the relationship is done by knowing when you're in trouble and taking immediate action.

By Sharon Rivkin, M.A., M.F.T, for www.hitchedmag.com

Labels: 101, dating, relationship, save your marriage, signs, tips, troubled

The surprising, enlightening, and sometimes hard truths married folks all face -- and how they teach us about what love really means.

You're smart. You know life is no storybook. But admit it:

Somewhere deep in your subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can still make out the silhouette of the bride and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset.

In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven horror flick -- and you're the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life. I've been there. Let's face it, marriage is not for the faint of heart. You want to believe your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain't always pretty.

That may sound grim. But here's a secret: Sometimes it's the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.

1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?

When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy -- your soul mate -- you'll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, "This is so not what I signed up for."

Actually, it is. You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills. That's when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You're learning that marriage isn't a destination; it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.

Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that's better than any fairy tale.

2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined.

Early on, when people say, "Marriage takes work," you assume "work" means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naivete, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.

If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths -- and from where he sits, you're pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn't mean you're done -- it just means you've advanced to graduate-level studies. That's because every time you think you've mastered the material, he'll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.

"It's like losing weight," says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. "You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it's a lifestyle. That's marriage. The effort is a forever thing." So don't be too hard on yourself -- or him -- on those days when you feel like you're struggling through remedial math.

3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).

Whoever decided to tell newlyweds "Never go to bed angry" doesn't know what it's like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I've got three words for you: Sleep on it.

You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I've found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you're angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you're both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.

Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. "This was a huge lesson for me," says Andrea. "As women we've been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I'd let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself -- let the emotions settle a bit -- and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day."

4. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.

I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It's really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It's just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more "right" I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he's right most of the time (go figure!). So we'd lock horns -- often. That is, until I learned a few things.

Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong -- there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband's. "I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage," says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis. "Now I see that I'm not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There's more gray in life than I thought, and that's taught me patience and the value of compromise."

5. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.

Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it's also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don't just raise your voices; you raise real -- sometimes buried -- issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn't give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won't break us; they'll only make us stronger.

6. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.

Ever seen the '80s sci-fi cult classic "Making Mr. Right?" When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich's android character into her personal version of the ideal man -- sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen.

There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us -- something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we're doing the right thing.

Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man -- stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies -- is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you're lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him.

7. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of.

There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, "I'll call you at 8." Then, just to try to trip me up, he'd call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn't figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me -- really and truly -- this stuff wouldn't happen.

I'd like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I've come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I've had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage.

That's the strange beauty of marriage: It's full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together -- and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.

Source by Ylonda Gault Caviness for Redbook

Labels: dating tips, marriage, relationship, save, save your marriage

Beginning a relationship is generally the easy part; it's maintaining the connection that gets a little tricky. That's why a growing number of twosomes (whether or not they've tied the knot) are going into couples therapy as a preemptive strike against the tough times that will inevitably hit... and to learn how to keep the good times flowing. To give you a leg up in your love life, we asked the country's top relationship experts to share the most crucial things they've uncovered over the years -- from big-picture philosophies to little gestures that go a long way. These practices will help keep your union in a happy, healthy place.

1. Act Out of Character. Couples develop a particular dynamic: the way they relate to each other that repeats itself over and over. If you break that pattern and act against type -- in a positive way -- you inject new life into the relationship. For example, if you always get angry at your guy when he doesn't follow through on some chore, try addressing him in a nicer, more friendly tone, then thank him when he does a good job. It works every time. -- Toni Coleman, psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, Virginia

2. Get in Touch a Lot. No doubt you hug and kiss each other. But simple acts like stroking his arm while you're watching TV and taking his hand when you're walking down the street are also ways to bond. Touching your partner throughout the day triggers your feel-good hormones, which reinforces your affection and makes you feel closer on an instinctive level. -- Psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, PhD, author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples"

3. Take Turns Talking. To make sure you both get a chance to state what's on your mind during a disagreement -- and get your points across -- alternate playing reflective therapist, where one listens while the other talks. -- Psychologist Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of "Opening Love's Door"

4. Find the Intersection. When making decisions together, try to find common ground. You each should write down exactly what you want. Let's say you're angling for a vacay in San Francisco to see the sights and hit up the cool shops and restaurants, while he wants a tropical getaway where he can veg out by the pool and sip drinks with umbrellas in the glass. Now that your desires are clearly laid out on paper, you can pick a place that will satisfy both your needs. A cool city, a little sun... how about Miami? -- Paul Dobransky, MD, author of "The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love"

5. Be More Positive Than Negative. There's a more effective way to air grievances than to file an angry complaint. Sandwich your negative comment between two positives. If you want to complain about how he's always late, for example, try something like "You know, I love that you're so laid-back and easygoing, but it really bothers me when you show up so late. I'm sure you can still be the fun guy I adore and also be on time." -- Los Angeles psychologist Yvonne Thomas, PhD.

6. Echo Each Other. When you and your man are having a serious relationship talk, it's easy to get so caught up in how you want to respond that you're not really listening to what's being said. That's why it's important for both of you to repeat each other: so you know you've been heard and you feel understood. -- Yvonne Thomas

7. Take a Time-Out. Neither of you is perfect, and the quirks you both have are here to stay. So rather than let those annoying traits work your last nerve, try to get in touch with the upside of those particular flaws, even if it's not immediately recognizable. Instead of getting annoyed when he starts screaming at the TV, for example, remind yourself how much you love his passion. Or if his shyness with new people bugs you, think about how refreshing it is to be with a chill, genuine guy rather than a blowhard who needs to chat with everyone in the room. -- Denver psychologist Jennifer Oikle, PhD, dating coach for Coupling Connection.

8. Have His Back. You might not agree with your guy when he's had a riff with a friend or he thinks his boss is being unfair, but you should always be on his side... and vice versa. Otherwise, you'll both feel like you can't count on each other. That doesn't mean you have to take the "you're so right" route all the time. Just hear him out, and let him know that you'll support him no matter what. -- New York City psychotherapist JoAnn Magdoff, PhD.

9. Spend a Little Money on Each Other. You don't have to wait for a special occasion to give small presents to show your love. In fact, gifts are more fun -- and meaningful -- when they're not expected. Try to get into the habit of exchanging sweet tokens of appreciation for no particular reason. Don't go and blow your paycheck though. It's not about being extravagant; it's just a way of showing that you really get -- and think about -- each other. Maybe you buy him a tee of his favorite band that you saw on sale or he gets you a pair of pajamas in your favorite color. -- Barton Goldsmith

10. Be a Good Date. Face it, no one can stay fascinating forever. After being together for a while, the initial excitement fades, and your guy can start to get kind of boring sometimes. Hey, don't think you're off the hook -- if you're feeling a little ho-hum about him, the feeling is likely mutual! To combat the blahs, take turns coming up with an interesting date idea every month. Keep the time and details to yourself, and try to think outside the box -- dinner and a movie is not exactly innovative. An awesome concert or a snowboarding lesson, for example, is a much less predictable treat. -- Jennifer Oikle

By Lauren Denigan for Cosmopolitan

Labels: relationship, save your marriage, tips, top

Going through a breakup may be one of the most trying times of your life, especially if the other person is someone you are not willing to let go. Sadly, trying to win your ex back can be just as difficult as trying to move on; more so if you do not know exactly what you need to do. But if you feel that getting your ex back into your life is worth whatever it takes, then it is probably the best thing for you to do. Because there are simply times when moving on is not an option.

The first thing you have to do to win your ex back is to show him or her that you are strong. In this necessary first step, you have to be very careful to deliver the correct message. You do not want to make your ex feel that you have moved on and do not need him or her anymore. The message that you want to send across is that you do want him or her back, but you are not so desperate that it would kill you not to win your ex back. Show your ex that you are very much open to the idea of getting back together but you will not fall apart if it does not happen. Confidence is much more attractive than clinginess.

If your breakup was particularly bad -- punctuated by loud arguments and excessive fighting -- then you should move really slow. Keep your contact with your ex at a minimum; do not create "coincidences" where you keep running into your ex at social gatherings and public places. Give yourselves time to take things into perspective. This time away from each other could be just the thing to make you recall the good times that you had and realize that you are meant for each other. Who knows, giving yourselves enough space may help you win your ex back a lot quicker than you expect.

If and when your ex asks to see you to talk things over, treat the invitation as an opportunity, not a gift. Looking at it as a gift may make you overeager to win your ex back and less objective about the conversation that is about to take place. It may also make you too ready to give in to your ex's every request. Refrain from doing this, as it will only make you look pathetic. Treating the occasion as an opportunity, on the other hand, will help you retain your calm and keep an open mind about the situation.

While you are trying to win your ex back, remember to always be yourself. Although there are things that you need to do and steps that you need to take, it does not mean that you have to act like someone else. After all, you want to remind your ex of the reason why he or she fell in love with you in the first place, and the best way to do that is by showing him or her your beautiful self.

By: Mike Eagleston

Labels: ex back, love, partner, save your marriage, win

Are you going through a rocky phase in your relationship? Can you actually see your partner saying the inevitable words "It's over" but you rather want to try and work things out?

Relationships are not a piece of cake, and both parties need to work hard to maintain a healthy relationship. And every relationship goes through a rocky patch, that's a fact. Every couple goes through that phase. But it doesn't necessarily mean that if you're having problems with your relationship that you will break up in the end.

There are a lot of ways to restore your relationship to the way it was on your first few months as a couple. Here are some of the best ways to restore your relationship.

1. Do not ignore your problems; you need to talk through it. Never, ever ignore the problems you are having in your relationship. One of the best ways to restore your relationship is for the both of you to sit down and talk about your problems and find the best ways to solve it. It will not solve itself. In fact, if you ignore it, instead of solving it, your problem will only get worse and will be harder to fix.

2. Understand and forgive each other's shortcomings. Each and every one of us has their own faults and shortcomings and it will not be best to blame one another for it. The key into a healthy relationship is understanding each other. If your partner is very understanding, do your share and do not abuse this trait.

3. Focus on what is good in your relationship. Looking only at the bad aspects in your relationship is not the best ways to restore your relationship. Focusing on what's going wrong in your relationship will only make you see all the negative things in it and will not produce any healthy outcome. Reminisce the good times you've had and make each other remember how much fun you two have when you're together. Focusing on the good times and the reason why you love each other will reaffirm you both why you decided to start this relationship.

4. Take the initiative to change. Relationship is a two-way street; both of you will need to exert effort to make it work. If one of the best ways to restore your relationship will entail some change, be it with any aspect of your life, take that initiative to change. Do not wait for your partner to change first and do the necessary actions you need to do to save your relationship.

5. Always stay positive and avoid picking fights with your partner. The last thing you want is to have another fight. Extend your patience and stay positive. Picking up fights with your partner will only send your relationship downhill.

6. Learn to say "I'm sorry." If you know that you were the one at fault, say you're sorry the very first chance that you have. Admitting your mistakes is one of the simplest and best ways to restore your relationship and your trust with one another.

By: Mike Eagleston

Labels: relationship, restore, save your marriage, ways

Hearing that your cheating spouse is "in love" with someone else is devastating. I hear often, "I can handle her having sex with someone else. I think I can live with that. But, for her to give herself emotionally and "love" someone else... man, that is hard."

What can you specifically do to increase the odds of saving the marriage?

So often the offended spouse reacts with intense feelings and pulls out all stops to "win her back."

He applies pressure. Begs. Cajoles. Makes promises. Gets in her face. Sends flowers. Arranges for dates. Talks to her family and friends. Calls her on the phone. Asks questions… daily, sometimes hourly. He is on her like a fly on doo-doo.

It doesn't work.Why? Well, for one reason she has found all the stimulation and excitement she supposedly needs in her new found "love."

At a deeper level this is confusing enough for the cheating husband or cheating wife. Any additional input will be overwhelming and she is liable to close the door on the marriage even further. Plus, she is really looking for some stability, some solid centered core that will hold her firm when the wind of drama entices her and blows around her.

If you bombard her with your neediness, you are certainly not the person who can help her in ways she really seeks.

She also is liable to create a polarity and begin comparing you to him. With your neediness dripping all over you, you don't stand a very good chance of coming out on top. Sorry!

Here's a tactic that helps solve the dilemma and gives you a greater chance of saving the marriage.It's called "back off!"

Stop pressing. Slow down the pace. Be silent - most of the time. Stop making requests. Stop asking questions. Stop trying to wiggle out some assurance. Stop being a pain!

Remember, this "in love" state will fade. You need to have the confidence that it will. You need patience. The relationship will run its course.

She needs the space. She needs some quiet moments to truly hear herself and face the emptiness within. There will be a voice within her that says, "This will not last. Is this what I really want? At some time I must live in the real world. Where is this taking me? Is this where I really want to go? Why am I so dependent on him? Why do I feel this empty pit in my stomach when I’m not with him? What does this say about me?"

This is her opportunity to learn about TRUE love. Don't get in her way.

I know. I know. This is easier said than done. But, you must do it. It is vitally important that you learn to quiet yourself, control yourself and keep on the straight and narrow path.

At this point with those I coach, I teach them a skill called "charging neutral" to help "back off." Use that skill.This will take some effort. It might take some coaching or therapy. It most likely will demand that you get to know yourself better, that you gain more confidence in you - apart from what she does with him - that you build a strong foundation under yourself that can weather any storm.

This is your opportunity to grow to another level.

Oh, by the way. She will notice! And….she might like it.

Backing off does not mean that you don’t have anything to do with her. Quite the contrary. You want to maintain your contact with her, but it will be QUALITY contact. It will be contact that does honor to you, confronts her with the reality of her decisions and works toward resolution for the marriage.

Summary: Less often means more when facing emotional infidelity. Learning a specific skill such as "backing off" enhances one's chance to save the marriage.

By Source Dr. Robert Huizenga http://www.articlecity.com/articles/relationships/article_93.shtml

Labels: emotional, iInfidelity, key, marriage, save, save your marriage, tactic

Is your marriage in trouble?

Are you on the brink of a divorce?

Need some therapy?

Try ONLINE MARRIAGE COUNSELING!

Marriage Counseling has long been the most effective way re-building and saving your marriage. It’s a structured process where a professional counselor lets you and your partner explore the problem areas in your marriage and guides you to ways of overcoming them. Only this time its not your friendly marriage counselor in the neighborhood we are talking about, it’s the new age online marriage counseling, courtesy the internet.

Online Marriage Counseling is turning the traditional face to face counseling practice on its head. Gone are the days when couples had to build up their courage and discuss their personal lives and secrets with an unknown counselor face to face at the risk of losing all privacy. Thanks to the internet now couples and individual partners can log on to the numerous marriage counseling sites and discuss their martial issues with a trained counselor via e-mail. These sites are usually run and managed by expert marriage counselors who want to offer their services across the globe.

Dr. Marriage (www.drmarriage.com) is an excellent online marriage counseling site run by Dr. Andy Smith (Phd-Counseling Psychology) and Dr. Martha Smith (Phd-Marriage Therapy) both expert marriage and relationship counselors. On www.drmarriage.com you can get expert marriage counseling from them via e-mail from the comfort and privacy of your home.

Another advantage of counseling on the net is the low fee. A personal counseling sessions with a qualified marriage counselors would cost anywhere between $150-$500 per session, on the other hand www.drmarriage.com charges a nominal fee of only $25 per e-mail session. You are given structured email responses in response to your queries and are also advised on future course of action. You can choose how many sessions you want and when you want them. Counseling via e-mail gives you and your partner total privacy, flexibility to write down your thoughts and issues in e-mail and is convenient and cost effective too.

By Andy Smith http://www.articlecity.com/articles/relationships/article_216.shtml

Labels: internet, marriage, save, save your marriage

You get butterflies when you see him, your heart pounds if he calls, and kissing him literally causes goose bumps. With chemistry this amazing, you'd figure you're destined to be together.

As it turns out, not necessarily. "We often mistake a strong physical connection as a sign that two people are meant for each other," says Paul Dobransky, MD, founder of womenshappiness.com. Yes, chemistry is key to a lasting bond, but it isn't the final word. Other factors should be considered too, and they take some sussing out. New findings describe the characteristics in a guy that actually predict relationship success, some of which you may be overlooking.

Dating Trait #1: He Knows What He Wants

Any guy you're serious about should be able to articulate his long-term goals and passions (sorry, fantasy football and Xbox don't count). He can't ally himself with you until he has a sense of how he envisions his life in the future... and how you fit in. "If a man has no idea what he wants to be when he 'grows up,' then it will be impossible for him to commit to you," says Dobransky.

Don't assume he'll work things out, because when he does, you may realize his ambitions don't mesh with yours. "This mistake has contributed to the starter-marriage phenomenon, in which couples in their 20s and 30s suddenly realize they're going in different directions and divorce at an early age," says Dobransky. "It's preventable as long as you're both clear about your plans."

Dating Trait #2: He Has a Sunny Outlook

A recent study led by the University of Oregon found that women who had upbeat partners felt more satisfied in their relationships and -- this is huge -- that the man's level of optimism determined the relationship's staying power. Not only is it nice to have someone help you see the silver lining of a situation that totally sucks, but cheerful guys are good at keeping things in perspective, so they don't let little conflicts get to them and can go with the flow.

Along with having an optimistic POV, it's also crucial that the guy you're seeing can make you laugh. "It's an important stress valve for any couple," says Les Parrott, PhD, coauthor of "Trading Places."

"Having a sense of humor helps you weather the rough patches that you'll inevitably encounter together." It shows that he is able to let loose and doesn't take things too seriously. Plus, you'll have a better time together if you can see the funny side of things.

Dating Trait #3: He's Open to Changing for You

It's true you may not be able to change a man, but a guy should want to change for you. If a facet of his behavior irks you (for example, maybe he's not attentive enough in certain circumstances), he should be game to hear you out, listen to how you'd like him to do things differently, and then act on those suggestions. "When a guy is truly in love, he is more self-reflective and will work on the aspects of himself that bother you," says Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of "Love in 90 Days." "Studies have found that successful married couples change each other quite a bit over time."

More important, a man needs to have the capacity to transform and grow with you -- e.g., he takes an interest in going to art galleries with you, even if he's more of a couch-and-ESPN kind of guy. "If he's not willing to expand his interests to mesh with yours, you're going to outpace him," explains Kirschner. "It's likely you'll grow restless, and the relationship will become stale."

Dating Trait #4: He's Still a Little Mysterious

The beginning of a relationship is always exciting because you're just getting to know each other. But even after the newness wears off, it's essential that a man keeps you guessing. "If you can never quite pin down what makes him tick, that's actually a healthy thing," says Kirschner. Although at first you might feel more bonded to a guy who shares tons of personal info with you, over time, you risk losing the intrigue that pulled you to him initially. You might start to see him as more of a friend than a romantic partner.

Of course, you want him to open up about topics like his family, but he should keep some boundaries too. Relating every detail of his life (think updates on his nasty toe fungus) is relationship-killing TMI. A good gauge in the early stages of coupledom: He doesn't spill all about his pals. "It's an indicator that he understands how to keep things private," says Kirschner.

Dating Trait #5: He's Responsible with Money

Besides giving you a heads-up about money-related conflicts you might encounter in the future (one of the topics long-term couples argue about most), how a guy handles cash reveals a lot about his character. Positive signs: He keeps the receipt after paying for a meal, or you notice several credit-card offers in his stack of mail (it may indicate he has good credit).

"A man who doesn't track his money shows a lack of patience and self-control," says Dobransky. "In fact, guys who are financially reckless share many traits with men who cheat." But you also don't want to be with a tightwad. If a dude doesn't splurge now and then, it may mean he'll be stingy in other ways, such as compromising during a fight.

Labels: before, dating, get, guy, have, save your marriage, serious, should, traits

Are you in a tough spot in your marriage right now? Every relationship has its problems and its rough patches, but that doesn't mean that you need to give up when the going gets tough. For many couples, they can actually work through their problems to create a stronger relationship. Sometimes the hard times are actually learning lessons in disguise. Here are just a few tips for getting started on the right foot.

Listen

There's nothing more damaging to a relationship than a partner that doesn't take the time to listen. In fact, that fact alone might be the thing that has led to the feelings of dissatisfaction with a marriage. In order to be a good partner (on either end), you need to be able to remain quiet and talk through problems until both partners are satisfied. Be quiet when they are speaking and try to really listen to what they are saying.

Understand

But listening only goes so far when you're trying to work out problems in you relationship. If you do not really understand where they are coming from, you might be creating more problems. When they are expressing themselves, you want to ask questions when appropriate in order to clarify what they are saying to you. Even if it seems uncomfortable at first, it's important that you make sure that you understand where they are at and how you might be able to help.

A positive attitude

Why start off a rough patch by thinking that it will never get any better no matter what you do? When you're trying to work through problems and issues, you will want to make sure that you're going into it with a positive attitude. You don't need to be sugary sweet, but you should start to look at your troubles as learning lessons rather than the doom of the relationship. Try to think about happier times when you start to become negative in order to turn your thinking around.

Be present

When a partner isn't fully in the moment of trying to fix a relationship, the work becomes a one-sided affair. You need to be able to fully be there for your partner when you need to work through tough times. This might mean that you need to take a few days off work or devote certain times to discussing ways to fix your relationship. These times should be uninterrupted by work obligations or time commitments so that neither person feels rushed or distracted.

Stay calm

While you might be upset about the way that things have turned out, you need to remember that being calm is the best way to see things more clearly. Try lowering your voice when you talk - it automatically lowers your blood pressure and your anger. Try to take a few deep breaths before you say anything - this will help you to be clear and calm as you speak. Many people perceive becoming flustered or upset as being angry, and that can lead to a poor environment for working through issues.

Make plans

One of the best ways to help save your marriage is to start creating long term plans with your partner. While this might not seem like the best idea at the time, it will create the idea that you are both going to make it through the rough patch that you have stumbled upon - somehow. Try to make plans for vacations or other far in the future appointments. This will create a little less pressure because the future isn't so vague and unable to be seen in the dark that you are experiencing at the time.

Take time away

While you don't have to become legally separated to do this, taking time away from each other is one of the best ways to stop a marriage from becoming a divorced marriage. When you take time away from each other, you allow yourself to have a new perspective on the events that are happening. And this can allow you to see new solutions as well as new ideas for how to handle the problems that you may be having. Even if it's just a night or a few hours, taking time to step back from an issue can help it become easier to resolve.

By Cucan Pemo

Labels: innovative, marriage, relationship, save, save your marriage, ways

All around the world there are couples who are in a failing marriage due to one reason or another. Some of them struggle on against the odds without any outside professional help until the inevitable happens. The marriage is over.

Why do some people avoid marriage counseling?

A partner in a troubled marriage may be nervous about seeking professional help possibly because they find it embarrassing to talk about their personal problems to a stranger, no matter how experienced and sympathetic that stranger might be. It is not easy for some people to discuss their innermost fears and failings even to a professional marriage counselor.Also, one partner may feel that their marriage is in trouble but their spouse does not seem to notice the danger signs and acts as if everything is fine. This can make it very difficult to bring up the subject without causing more conflict between the couple.

Is there an alternative to marriage counseling?

Because of this fear, thousands of people with marriage problems have turned to self-help marriage guidance book or courses, many of which have been written by experienced marriage counselors and relationship experts. Their years of experience with counseling couples with marriage problems have been distilled into books packed with expert advice and techniques.You can find lots of these marriage-saving guides on the Internet as a low-cost downloadable e-book, on audio tape or even as a multimedia product on DVD. Some even offer extra free bonus books and further support if requested. The techniques outlined in these books can be used by one willing partner on his/her own to change and improve their marriage.

Do self-help marriage guidance books really work?

The answer is very often YES; if you are willing to follow the techniques outlined in them and are determined to save your marriage. Many testimonials have been given by satisfied customers about the effectiveness of some of these marriage-saving guides and how their marriage has been saved by following the advice given in them. A word of caution though: If you think just by reading one of these books that your marriage will be miraculously saved without any effort on your part then the answer must be a resounding NO.

These books are, after all, marriage guidance books which show you how to fix a broken marriage; much like a DIY book shows you how to fix a broken fence. They will give you step-by-step guidance but you must do the actual repairs yourself. Along with the information in the book, the only tools you will need to mend a broken marriage is your own heart and willingness which you should possess already. If you don’t have these essential tools then no book on earth can save your marriage.

Conclusion:

These marriage guidance books may not be the answer for everyone with marriage problems but they are generally inexpensive and most come with a no-quibble money-back guarantee if they don't work for you. They have helped thousands of people to save their marriages and if you are having marriage problems they may be just what you are looking for.

By Anthony Bradley

Labels: cheap, e book, ebook, marriage guidance books, save marriage, save your marriage

Once a man has scorned you, you may find that it is hard to trust anyone again especially another man. This can be live changing experience and you may need help trying to figure out what you can do to get over this relationship and what has happened to you. There are so many reasons why a woman can loose trust in her partner and it may be hard to get those feelings of trust back. In fact, for some women and relationships, the trust is lost forever.

Why do men lie?

There are different reasons why men lie. There are some men that do nothing but lie all the time and then there are men that never tell an untruth about anything. It will depend the personality of the man and how they grew up.

Sometimes how a person was raised can be the determining factor about how a man acts when he is an adult. If they are raised around men that lie all the time and are not very respectful to women, they may grow up to be the same way. This is not something that is necessarily going to happen, but it can be a cause.

There are many men that lie because they are ashamed of whom they are. They may not tell a woman the truth because they are not excited about anything in their life. They may feel ashamed of who they are and what they do for living or even where they come from. Sometimes a man will lie to make they look better in the eyes of a woman. Little do they know that this will only make a women less attracted to them because of the lies they tell?

Another reason why men lie is to cheat. There are so many relationships ruined because a man has cheated. Once a man cheats on a woman, the woman will have a hard time ever really trusting the man again. They may find it difficult to maintain a good relationship with anyone ever again. This can be a devastating blow to any woman that has low self-esteem already.

How to tell when a man is lying

When a man is lying to their partner, some can determine it right away. Some women can tell just by the way the man is acting. Some men cannot look them in the eye, get nervous and act suspicious, and may even stutter or fumble their words. However there are some men that can lay so well that no one will ever be able to tell.

It is important for women to try and recognize the signs of a man lying to her so that they can tell when they are being fooled or not. This is something that will take a little bit of knowledge and a lot of patience. If a woman is being lied to, they should not stand for it. They need to take control of their own life and remove themselves from this type of unnatural relationship.

What can I do to rebuild the bond and trust?

Many women will not give up on the man that she loves. She may find that this is the person that they want to spend the rest of their life with. When this happens, they will try and do anything they can to make the relationship a success again.

For some of these relationships it is possible to do. However there are some that will never be repaired. Sometimes a woman can just tell when there is no hope for their relationship and they will have to learn to accept the fact that their man is a liar and there is no hope.

However for some, there is hope and this is a long and difficult process.

There may be time when a woman just wants to give up and leave the situation, but then she realizes that she wants to try a build the bond again. When this is the case, there needs to be a lot of communication. For some couples, counseling is necessary to get the relationship back on track.

It is important to talk the situation out and lay down ground rules.

This is a very important step that has to be taken so that the couple can figure out where they stand in the relationship. Laying down ground rules is important to. This is where the woman needs to feel like she is in control and that she has all the cards in her hand. If a man is serious about being with you, they will do whatever is necessary to gain your trust again.

Should you trust someone with a history of infidelity?

If you are thinking about having, a relationship with someone that has be unfaithful before, you may have a tough road ahead of you. This will be something that will take a little bit of time and work. You will want to be a little leery in the beginning. You do not want to go too fast incase the man tries to repeat history. You can trust someone until they give you reason not too, however you need to be cautious so that you are not putting yourself in a vulnerable position.

Can you change a man? Is it possible for them to not lie again?

For some men, you can change the way they behave. You can do your very best to make them see what a good thing they have with you and that any little mess up can take it all away. You will want to make them understand that you are in control and that you are making the rules. They will have to follow them and change their lying and cheating ways or the relationship will have no merit.

Men can change and there is no reason to give up on them right away. If you think the relationship is worth saving, you can take the appropriate steps to make sure that you are both happy without the risk of ever having to deal with this problem again.

By Cucan Pemo

Labels: how, know, lie, lying, man, men, save your marriage, tell, trust